Perfectionism - musings

Perfectionism.  My need to be perfect, my need to by perceived as perfect, my need to help those around me to be perfect - frequently against their will. 

I accept flaws in some things.  My cats are so very far from perfect.  They throw up - not the occasional hairball, but an inability to keep their food down - several days a week.  One of them woke me up before the sun today by pouncing on me as hard as he could (actually, more like a full-speed slide into home plate just ahead of the ball) in order to inform me that he'd brought a toy for me to throw for him.  I was also woken up at some pre-dawn time before that when one of them walked over me - I woke up wondering, fuzzily, why there were deer in my bed and why one had stepped on me.  And the cats shed everywhere.  And they yowl.  And occasionally knock things over.  Sometimes they bite or scratch.

I accept these things with only minor complaint, and even that is usually fairly good-natured.  Why?  I wouldn't accept this behavior from a human.  Particularly not one that I lived with!  Is it only that I accept that the cats can't help it, and that they are merely being cats?  Is there any way I can apply that to the people I know, reminding myself that they are the way they are and can't help it, being merely human?  So far that hasn't worked.  And yet, in a conversation with my cousin last night, I learned that is what she does.  She honestly seems to accept people with all of their flaws, and not (usually) resent them for being who they are.  It is one of the things about her that I most admire.  Obviously I *am* capable of doing it, since I do it with my cats.  How can I learn to do that with people?

As far as my own perfection, I'm not really all that concerned with being perfect.  I've known myself too long and too well to have any illusions about my living some error-free,  always-motivated, consistently-courteous, ideal life.  But my concern seems to be less about being those things, and more about not allowing others to see that I'm not.  Which is ridiculous, since everyone who knows me knows better already.  And I don't go around claiming otherwise by any means.  And yet, to be SEEN to make a mistake... oh the horror!  The utter humiliation!  Is that hypocritical?  OMG, no, another failure I don't want to see!  Though that's one, at least, that I try to guard against in reality as much as in perception.  In fact, it's not really the big things that I don't want others to know about.  Those are things I do work on, and usually things I think I do fairly well with.  It's the little things, the ability to stick to a routine, to be nice to someone even when they interrupt me, to not show someone when I think they're being a blithering idiot, to keep up with my housekeeping (or even with my dishes), the utter laziness that I so often feel (and so frequently give in to) - it's these little, human foibles that so bother me.  Is it because I know they are completely under my control and should so very easy to fix, and yet I don't?  Why, then, am I so hard on other people for not fixing theirs?  Well, I don't blame them for not conquering the ones I'm still struggling with - I only get annoyed if they struggle with ones I *don't* have a problem with.  How unfair is that?!?

Maybe if I picture all the people around me as overgrown cats.  LOL  Or something.  Maybe.