How selfish am I really?

Don't I want everyone to have food to eat, clothes to wear, a roof over their heads, and an education?  Yes.  Even if they don't/won't/can't work?  Yes.  Certainly.  If unlimited supplies of manna dropped down from heaven and formed itself into instant shelter and clothing (and some remained food, of course) I would definitely want everyone to have some.  As much as they want, in fact.  I would even go so far as to say that if the stuff were free and unlimited, and people were stupid/selfish/whatever enough to try to stockpile it and keep it from those weaker than them, I would be willing to fight to make sure everyone got their share.

Am I willing to *work* to buy things for people who won't/don't/can't work?  Only the *can't* group.  I'm not all that fond of work myself, that I want to do extra of it just so someone else doesn't have to.

Someone recently posted that they thought everyone had a RIGHT to clothing, a decent house, food, and an education.  I admit, I don't agree with that.  But let's just say for a moment, just for the sake of argument, that we agreed everyone in our country MUST (not merely *should*) be provided such things.  And let's talk about it in practical terms.  How would it work?

Would you force everyone to pitch in to build the extra houses?  Would you tear down all the existing houses first and build up all the new ones as identical bare-minimum housing, or would you just create new bare-minimum housing for those who didn't work to "earn" a better house?  And how would you make everyone work to do it?  Everyone isn't willing to work now, how would you make them?  Or would it be purely volunteer?

Okay, let's say you work that out and everyone has a home.  Now what?  How do you feed everyone?  Manna *doesn't* actually fall from the sky.  Food must be grown, tended, harvested, shipped, distributed, cooked.  Who does these things, and WHY?

How selfish am I?  I'm so selfish that if I could have a roof over my head, food on my table, and clothes on my back, I probably wouldn't want much else.  Certainly not enough to work for it.  C'mon, 'fess up, how many of you would work 40 hours a week if you could have food and clothing and a home without it?  At the most, I would consider working for a few months and then taking a year off to enjoy the money, then I'd start the process over again.  After all, if I already had food, clothing, and shelter, then a little money would go a loooong way.  Assuming, of course, that I could buy anything for a little money.  There will be a lot fewer people producing things, so with supply lower things might cost a lot more.  On the other hand, there will probably be fewer people with money to buy things, so with demand lower, prices might stay the same.  It's hard to say.  But then, the work I *did* do would have to support me AND whoever wasn't working and also wanted food and clothing.  How many do you suppose that would be?  One working in 10 if we're lucky?  So you'll have to work 10 times as hard to provide yourself the same food and clothing?  Did I mention that I really don't like working?

There *will* be people who enjoy working, and they'll work really hard no matter what.  Of course, they already *are* working really hard.  But the reality is that most of us, if we didn't *have* to work, would work less than we currently do - by a lot.  So how on earth do you maintain a society where the average production is even LESS than it currently is, and still provide food and clothing and shelter for everybody?

Of course, if everyone lives on a small enough scale, with little enough luxury, in close proximity, and you can encourage everyone to produce or leave the community, you can do it.  And it certainly has been proven to work that way.  And since I'd be one of the lazy ones, it's probably a good place for me.

I think I'll try to find one of those communities.  I know they were really popular in the 60's.  What are they called again?  Something to do with how they base everything on the needs of the community...

Momentum

I started to title this "Motivation" but I realized that what I truly experience is "Momentum."

I can be motivated to do things.  But more often, I find that if I force myself to start something I wasn't motivated to do, I can keep going on momentum for a very long time.  And I enjoy the *whatever* while I'm at it, and am proud of what I accomplish.

Since I had three days this weekend, I *finally* felt like I'd relaxed enough and didn't resent having things cut into my limited "me" time, so I got moving on some tasks.  Just basic housework, laundry, etc.  But it was amazing how easy it was to keep going once I started.  That is, until I sat down for lunch... and since I finished eating before the show was over, I stayed to watch the rest of the show.  And then, well, as long as I'm taking a break I can call Paul.  And next thing I know I've been sitting for more than an hour, and I have *no* interest in getting back to the tasks that I was happily blasting through just a little while earlier.

I knew that if I got moving again I'd be fine.  It's not like I didn't know that.  I just couldn't make myself *do* it.

I think I'm going to have to go back to using a timer.  Not merely for doing the tasks (a trick I don't have to resort to as often anymore, but still very effective) but rather for *not* doing tasks.  Thanks to a friend on the message boards, I've started using a timer to limit my computer time at home.  But that particular timer is on my desktop, and doesn't do much for me when I'm goofing off elsewhere.

But I always have my phone.  And my phone has a built in timer.  So I think... I'm going to have to treat myself like the lazy, spoiled kid I can sometimes be, and set strict limitations on my goofing off time.

Sigh... This being a grownup stuff isn't nearly as much fun as I thought it was going to be.  ;-)

Perfectionism - musings

Perfectionism.  My need to be perfect, my need to by perceived as perfect, my need to help those around me to be perfect - frequently against their will. 

I accept flaws in some things.  My cats are so very far from perfect.  They throw up - not the occasional hairball, but an inability to keep their food down - several days a week.  One of them woke me up before the sun today by pouncing on me as hard as he could (actually, more like a full-speed slide into home plate just ahead of the ball) in order to inform me that he'd brought a toy for me to throw for him.  I was also woken up at some pre-dawn time before that when one of them walked over me - I woke up wondering, fuzzily, why there were deer in my bed and why one had stepped on me.  And the cats shed everywhere.  And they yowl.  And occasionally knock things over.  Sometimes they bite or scratch.

I accept these things with only minor complaint, and even that is usually fairly good-natured.  Why?  I wouldn't accept this behavior from a human.  Particularly not one that I lived with!  Is it only that I accept that the cats can't help it, and that they are merely being cats?  Is there any way I can apply that to the people I know, reminding myself that they are the way they are and can't help it, being merely human?  So far that hasn't worked.  And yet, in a conversation with my cousin last night, I learned that is what she does.  She honestly seems to accept people with all of their flaws, and not (usually) resent them for being who they are.  It is one of the things about her that I most admire.  Obviously I *am* capable of doing it, since I do it with my cats.  How can I learn to do that with people?

As far as my own perfection, I'm not really all that concerned with being perfect.  I've known myself too long and too well to have any illusions about my living some error-free,  always-motivated, consistently-courteous, ideal life.  But my concern seems to be less about being those things, and more about not allowing others to see that I'm not.  Which is ridiculous, since everyone who knows me knows better already.  And I don't go around claiming otherwise by any means.  And yet, to be SEEN to make a mistake... oh the horror!  The utter humiliation!  Is that hypocritical?  OMG, no, another failure I don't want to see!  Though that's one, at least, that I try to guard against in reality as much as in perception.  In fact, it's not really the big things that I don't want others to know about.  Those are things I do work on, and usually things I think I do fairly well with.  It's the little things, the ability to stick to a routine, to be nice to someone even when they interrupt me, to not show someone when I think they're being a blithering idiot, to keep up with my housekeeping (or even with my dishes), the utter laziness that I so often feel (and so frequently give in to) - it's these little, human foibles that so bother me.  Is it because I know they are completely under my control and should so very easy to fix, and yet I don't?  Why, then, am I so hard on other people for not fixing theirs?  Well, I don't blame them for not conquering the ones I'm still struggling with - I only get annoyed if they struggle with ones I *don't* have a problem with.  How unfair is that?!?

Maybe if I picture all the people around me as overgrown cats.  LOL  Or something.  Maybe.

Friday's Rants: Supply & Demand, and Financing

Hold onto yer butt, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

First, let's talk about supply and demand.  What is something worth?  Well, it's worth whatever people are willing to pay for it.  Period.

You can purchase a Wii console right now, brand new, for $200.  Is it worth $200?  If people were unwilling to pay $200 for it, the price would drop in order to boost sales.  The fact that it's selling like crazy for $200 means that IS what it's worth.  Granted, YOU might not want to spend $200 for one.  It might not be worth it to YOU.  But that IS the actual market value of one.

We're all totally clear on that, right?

So what happens if you bought your Wii when it first came out 3 years ago, and you paid $250 for it?  It's now selling for $200.  Did you get screwed?  Did someone lie to you about the value of the Wii?  Can you demand a refund from Nintendo for the difference?  No.  You paid what it was worth, and its worth has changed since then.

What if you bought it from Best Buy and paid $200 for it, and then saw it at Costco for only $175?  If Best Buy wants to do price matching that's up to them, but they aren't legally required to do so.  You agreed to buy it for $200 and you get to live with that decision.

What if you brought it home and decided you didn't enjoy it as much as you expected?  Or you were too busy to play with it?  Or you realize you would have been just as happy with an old, used Nintendo 64 you could buy for $20?  Can you tell Best Buy they have to take it back?  They might have a "return for any reason" policy, but they aren't legally required to unless it's broken or misrepresented.

You're all still following me?

Okay, let's add a twist to this.  What if you didn't pay cash for it, but bought it on your credit card.  And NOW you decide you don't like it.  Can you refuse to pay back your credit card because you no longer like what you bought?  No, you didn't buy the Wii from your credit card, you bought if from Best Buy.  And Best Buy already has your money.  The credit card simply loaned you some money which you spent however you wanted.  You have to pay back that loan.  They aren't responsible for your lack of enthusiasm about your purchase.

We're all still on the same page, I hope?  You agreed to a price, you purchased it, and you borrowed the money to make that purchase.  The fact that its market value fluctuates or that its value to YOU fluctuates doesn't change the fact that you bought it at a price you agreed to, or that you took a loan to buy it and now have to repay that loan.

Now's when things start getting sensitive.

What if, instead of an unsecured loan you did a secured loan and put up the Wii as collateral?  What if the credit card company could repossess the Wii if you stopped paying the card?  Does that change the fact that you didn't purchase the Wii from them and they aren't in the business of selling Wii's and you borrowed money from them that you promised to repay?  No.  It means they've got some additional legal recourse if you break your promise, but it doesn't mean that if you decide you don't want the Wii anymore you can just stop paying your credit card.  Once again: you didn't buy the Wii from them, you just borrowed money from them to make a purchase that happened to be a Wii.

Okay, deep breath everyone...

What if it wasn't a Wii that you purchased?  What if it was something more expensive?  Do the rules change?  No.  You agreed to a price.  That price was somewhere around the current market value.  Market value is based on what everyone else is willing to pay, no matter how stupid they all are.  No matter which review in which magazine talked about how awesome it was and how they would be willing to pay twice the price for the same thing.  Not even if it was Nintendo themselves who said it was so fantastic, and they only said so in order to make more profit!  Yes, not even then!  No one held a gun to your head and made you buy it at that price.

What if it was a house?  :::insert sound of squealing tires as everyone comes to a sudden halt:::

I would like to remove the phrase "house payment" from our vocabulary, because it makes us think that we are paying the money to the bank in order to purchase our house.  THIS IS NOT THE CASE.  You didn't buy your house from the bank, you bought it from Mr. and Mrs. Jones who received the money right away and have already used it to pay off debt or to put into the stock market or blown it all on strippers and roulette.  The mortgage company, like the credit card, didn't sell you the house or the Wii.  They loaned you money so you could buy the house from Mr. and Mrs. Jones.  Your $3,000 mortgage check isn't sent to Mr. and Mrs. Jones every month.  You aren't making payments on your house.  You already bought the house.  You own it.  Just as you own the Wii.  You are making payment on the money you borrowed to make that purchase.

If at any point you get confused about the difference and think I'm splitting hairs, go back and read the part about purchasing the Wii from Best Buy and borrowing the money from your credit card to do so.

Yes, it is a secured loan.  The bank can take your house if you stop paying the loan.  That does NOT mean they own the house while you're making payments, or that they are in the real estate business.  It just means that you've put up your house as collateral on a loan, and it so happens that you used that loan to purchase the house.  Or, these days, maybe not.  Maybe you took out equity from your home in order to pay off credit cards - so now you've put up your house as collateral to pay off your Wii!  (Not really, since you completely bought the Wii, just as you bought the house.  But it makes for a fine shock-point, doesn't it?)  If you took a loan on the equity of your house AFTER buying it, then that loan wasn't to pay off the house, it was a loan to do whatever you wanted - and your house was collateral for the loan, right?  But the original mortgage you use to buy the house is exactly the same thing.  You're not buying a house for 30 years, you're taking a loan, using that loan to buy the house, and using the house as collateral.

Hopefully I haven't lost anyone.

Why am I making such a point of this?  Because I think, from what I keep hearing people say, that a lot of people have honestly started to believe that the bank owns their house and that they're buying their house from the bank on payments every month, and that if the market goes down and the value of their house drops they shouldn't have to pay so much to the bank for the house that isn't worth as much anymore.

I have no doubt that someone will want to make comments about evil banks and evil mortgage companies and evil credit cards and evil real estate markets, and evil economy, and evil unemployment rates.  And many of those things may very well be true.

But NONE of it changes the fact that you agreed to a price, based on market value, and that you paid that price ALREADY to Mr. and Mrs. Jones.  If you think they screwed you on price, you're welcome to track them down and demand some of the money back (good luck with that).  But you've already paid them, and borrowed money to do so.  The responsibility to repay that loan is yours.

Don't bother commenting please.  It will probably become ugly and I'm not interested in that.  Feel free to disagree all you want, but not right here and not right now, okay?

Happy Friday, all.

February goals and goal review

It's the beginning of the month - a good time to review my progress and set/revise/surrender goals.

So let's start by looking at my New Year's resolutions:

1. Make a new budget, including debt reduction and retirement and household stuff (and stick to it, of course)
2. Remove everything from the house that isn't mine or doesn't fit my new life and goals, and make room for Paul and his things/life/goals but without sacrificing me and mine.
3. Continue to make my home (soon to be our home, I hope) into a place of peace and joy that is as pleasant to me as a day in a resort.
4. Continue to find and practice hobbies and interests that bring me fulfillment and pride.
5. Make time every month for family and friends
6. Take some time - maybe every day - to consciously relax and let things go.  
7. Schedule things more carefully so that I'm not as rushed and my time doesn't feel as limited. 

 Progress - scoring on scale of 1 to 10:

1. Score: 9.  I'm doing really well here.  I've set up a budget and I review it every time there is any spending.  I'm still adjusting my budget as I gain more information, but I'm getting it dialed in pretty well.  And I'm cutting back on unnecessary spending again, as I should.  I'm not yet reducing my spending in areas like utilities - that'll come after some of the other changes.  But I feel I'm on the right path and headed in the right direction.
2. Score: 1.  Only because there isn't a zero.  I'm completely failing here.
3. Score: 3.  I'm cleaning up again, but still fairly stalled out in this area.  Once I get goal #2 going again, I'll probably be able to focus on #3.  Can't work on the new while I'm buried in the old.
4. Score: 7.  I'm not doing as much "adventurous" cooking yet, but that's partly a function of time, budget, and practicality (making a gourmet meal for one just wastes a lot of food and isn't as much fun).  But I *am* trying new recipes sometimes.  I've also decided to get a degree which, since it isn't strictly a necessity, I think counts as "hobbies and interests that bring me fulfillment and pride."  And I'll be getting back into poker again more seriously.
5. Score: 6.  I did make a commitment to get together with my oldest (longest?) friend every 6 weeks or so for lunch and a movie... but the very first weekend we were going to do it fell apart.  I was on call (a rare occurrence and unavoidable) for a corporate emergency, and she decided to take her son out of town for his birthday.  I got together with my second longest friend for our annual Jane Austen dance.  I made plans to have my mother out to see the house and to take her to dinner for her birthday.  I made plans to see my ex-sister-in-law and another friend for Valentine's Day.  I have tried to visit my aunt, and now will be spending Superbowl Sunday with my cousin (her daughter) - though I can't get credit for planning this one, it planned itself (but I'm excited about it) and I'll see my grandparents while I'm down there.
6. Score: 5.  I *am* taking time for myself most days and getting in some exercise, but I haven't focused on consciously de-stressing during this time.
7. Score: 3.  Now that I'm planning so many activities, I feel *more* overscheduled instead of less.  But I'm giving myself permission to fail on some things, which gives me some time back but in exchange for guilt and a chaotic environment.  I need my routines and schedules so that I'm making steady progress on all the things I need to do; nothing else will give me the feeling of peace and guilt-free relaxation during my downtime.

Last night someone started the subject of February goals, and I tossed mine out there on the fly.  I didn't review my prior goals until just now, so I think it was a mistake for me to make new ones before doing that.  But here's what I had written:

1. Work out at least *some* every day, even if it's only 5 minutes. 30 is better, but do *some* every day.
2. Do my &^%$ing daily tasks. Or else!
3. Keep up with the healthy, homecooked meals - NO fast food or restaurants (except for someone else's special occasion that THEY choose to go out to eat). (I did great in January - yay!)
4. Stay within my budget - and work on some little ways to tighten up there also.
5. Stay on top of the little stuff, like cleaning up after a meal and putting away my clothes when I change.
6. Schedule all of my health appointments.
7. Make progress on school-stuff, side-job stuff, house stuff 

Hmmm - I see the beginning of a trend of 7 items.  Coincidence, or some subconscious idea of what the "right" length of a goals list ought to be?  lol.

Looking at my two lists, I think I did a good job with making February goals.  They are mostly a refinement of my New Year's goals - modified as I dial in to various areas.  I'm glad I didn't start a whole new list of stuff.  But I think it's best if I really consolidate the two lists properly.

Okay, here goes:

1. Continue to respect and refine my budget.  Including finding a few little ways to reduce spending a bit more.
2. Get rid of some of the stuff I've already earmarked for removal.  List it somewhere or something!  Make a plan and do it.  Hire handyman to take care of handyman task list.
3. Keep up with my daily housekeeping task list.
4. Continue to make time for school, poker, reading, yarnwork, fun cooking, cultural events, etc. and give each one my all while I'm doing it.
5. Keep various appointments with family and make some more (ex MIL and ex FIL, Dad's birthday, reschedule oldest-friend (and her birthday), San Diego cousin, Rusty and Helen, others?)
6. Exercise every day - make sure there's some stretching (especially since I had to stop seeing the chiropractor).  Use this time to refresh my mind and consciously get rid of crap.
7. Stick to my routines, and add new ones if necessary.  I do have enough time, but only if I use it wisely.  I even have time to watch some TV and play on the computer, if I schedule it.  But fucking off when I'm supposed to be doing something else is a failure in every way; I don't accomplish my tasks AND I don't get the full benefit of relaxing because I feel guilty for not doing what I know I should.  Keeping to routines is respecting my time, and will give me more time for other things since I will get in *proper* relaxing time and won't feel so constantly in need of it.
8. Set up all the various doctors appointments.