New Year - resolutions, musings, etc.

I've never done New Year's Resolutions before.  And I probably won't do them the "right" way now.  But I do think this is a good time to look back on the last year, ponder some of the changes in my life, decide what is going the right way and what isn't, and pick a general direction to continue in... and maybe work on some ways to make that happen.

2009 was an interesting year for me.  I lived by myself, in my house, with my finances, my cats, my responsibilities, my decisions.  I was engaged to Paul (certainly a major event!) but the day to day decisions of my life were completely my own.  And that's the first time in my adult life that I have had that.  I had the walls painted and the floors replaced.  I changed all the livingroom furniture.  I bought new window treatments and switches and switchplates and knobs and sheets.  I made it MY home.  I also started cooking (and let my housekeeper go, so started doing my own cleaning).

I like making my home into a place that reflects me and is the place I want to spend my time.  That's something I think is important to continue doing in the year ahead.
I like that I'm finding hobbies and interests (like cooking) that are all my own, instead of a way to fit into my husband's hobbies and lifestyle and expectations.  (Not that he would have objected to my cooking!  But I would have been doing it to please him, instead of for my own enjoyment.)  And I'm fortunate that Paul completely encourages and supports me in this journey of self-discovery.
I like that I'm able to work on reducing my debt... AND that I'm able to purchase things that I want. 

Other things I would like to work on are my patience, and my relationships with my family and friends.  And I think this year I need to speed up my debt reduction a bit more, and get back into saving/investing for retirement.  And my house is in need of some serious time and attention.

Okay, I think I'm ready to make an official New Years Resolutions list:

1. Make a new budget, including debt reduction and retirement and household stuff (and stick to it, of course)
2. Remove everything from the house that isn't mine or doesn't fit my new life and goals, and make room for Paul and his things/life/goals but without sacrificing me and mine.
3. Continue to make my home (soon to be our home, I hope) into a place of peace and joy that is as pleasant to me as a day in a resort.
   
4. Continue to find and practice hobbies and interests that bring me fulfillment and pride.
5. Make time every month for family and friends
6. Take some time - maybe every day - to consciously relax and let things go.  
7. Schedule things more carefully so that I'm not as rushed and my time doesn't feel as limited.
   

This coming weekend I think I'll take some time to flesh those out into achievable, measurable goals.  But for now, I'm happy to have picked a direction.

Happy New Year everyone!

Dear You

You are not a victim.  You have done all of this to yourself.  In fact, this isn't the first time you've found yourself in this same situation.  Your attitude of "oh well, this is just the way life goes, and it sucks" is bullshit.  The reality is that your life keeps going this way because you keep doing exactly the same thing that keeps landing you in this position.  If you never change your methods, of course you're going to keep seeing the same results!

Do something different this time so you don't end up here again.  Can you imagine going through this same thing in 10 years?  Or 20?  I'm not sure if you even *can* handle it at that point.  In fact, I'm not sure how you're going to handle it now.

Yes, I feel bad that you're in this position.  Yes, I want to do something to help you.  Yes, I know you haven't asked me for help.  Yes, I'm aware that I can't help you anyway.  But PLEASE take a serious look at what got you here AGAIN.  And the next time you find yourself heading down this path, at least TRY to remember how badly it sucks when you get here?

With love and concern and frustration,
Me

P.S.  Who is this letter to?  It's to you - Anyone who recognizes themselves as the "you" in here.  In fact, it might even be to me.